I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
A bitchslap is in order.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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