I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
