Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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