sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
two words: eviction party
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
