Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
