he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
