I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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