I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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