If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
