Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize