got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
