You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Life is so much better after having sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
