I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
