wat bout pragnant strippers??
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
