This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
