Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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