problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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