I am puke
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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