You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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