hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
