you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
