apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
