Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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