i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
