Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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