I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
