I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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