Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize