It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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