I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
