and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
