There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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