Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
