I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
