guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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