How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
