Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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