theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
