are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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