I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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