I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
