i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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