Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
