What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
