She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
