Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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