there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
