what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
