Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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