I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
