Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
