going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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