you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
