Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
