i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
