remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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