i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
