Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
