If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
