She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
