I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Alive.
So much puke
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
