All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
