we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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