When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
