Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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