It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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