Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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