Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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