If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize