I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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