then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I cut my penus on the lid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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