You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
