So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
