sarcasm needs its own font
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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