I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
