So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
