Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize