when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
