So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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