ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
