I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
