She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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