what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
