Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
