yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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