I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize